Confused. By this time you have read this word four times already. That much is the confusion I have. I was confused whether to start with just confused or confused with three question marks. I am confused again and I think I am putting you in a confusion also. I can’t help it. I am confused a lot.

This is my condition for last three days. A simple conversation between me and one of my acquaintance that happened at an annual meeting. Usually such conversation never affect me but it’s strange that this time it’s not the same. It struck me like a sharp edge of a blade. Now that gives pain.

Topic started with what I do? He wasn’t aware of my qualification. He jumped just because he was working under my friend who was my batch mate. That friend is a government servant. So do this acquaintance. In India, and I suppose anywhere around the world, if you have government job then you have a special value. An engineer like me is like a gem. It’s a different thing that I am still in the coal form.

He started to tell me about my friends success. How much he earns and all that stuff. I don’t care about that as it’s not much importance to me. And he kept talking about how an engineer as a government servant earns. After a peak point I got distracted. Is money all the thing?? Isn’t there value for anything else?? I earn a lot less than what my batch mates earn. And the relation Money=Success applies everywhere. So I felt I haven’t tasted success yet. That feeling gave me pain. Now I am getting confused. What next to do? Should I go after money or just continue my journey as is.

This success is not just important for me, but for my parents. They want me to be successful and like all other parents success for them is directly proportional to the amount of money you earn. Till date I never thought of working as government servant. It just suxxx. But now I may have to rethink.

Thinking while confused..

And still confused…